return my video game
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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