A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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