ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
