Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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