You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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