i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
