We're like a lot better than the average bears
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I am spending my child support on dildos
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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