dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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