At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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