I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
