It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
