Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize