I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
