I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
