You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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