your parents love me but you hate me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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