I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
