Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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