So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
