I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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