So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
