i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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