Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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