i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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