It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
