dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize