youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
