What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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