my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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