Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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