one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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