I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
