I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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