We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
