pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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