I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
