I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
