You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
