i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
