U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
