The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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