how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize