I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
