I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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