I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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