this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
