I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
