i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
