I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
