If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
