He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
