how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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