As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My breath smells like gin and sadness
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
