But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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