Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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