ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
