You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize