I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
