I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
