stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
