so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
