I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
