So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
