Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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