peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
