im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
