Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Randomize
