She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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