Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize