I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
